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Ode to the Junk Yard

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A turn key, a gizmo, some powder to mix

A spoon and a filter, then cook your own fix

Then tighten the turn key, a vein will appear

Now stick in the spike and lets ride out of here.

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This new world you’ve entered, there’s

nothing that’s real

But your mind it is numb, and no pain

can you feel

Then you walk round all day with

one thing on your mind

‘Where will I get money for that fix

the next time?

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Then your body starts sweating, but

you’re feeling the cold,

You’re addicted to drugs and your habit

grows old,

What you thought you could handle

is out of control,

And now to the Devil you would

sell your own soul.

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A ten bag, a twenty, a napp for your high,

By the needle you live, and by it you’ll die,

You won’t be remembered and what will

they say?

That was only a junkie who OD’d today.

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Written by;

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D.O.F (2011)

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Faith Hope and Captivity

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I do not wish to see my faith go by.

So there’s no Rush

to meet my faith…..

even if it means beyond the gate

I try not to fight

against the tide…..

So with each moment I Ride

Each day is a moment of Fact

So there’s no rush to go beyond the Gate.

Each day make me free…

because of my philosophy

Is it such a bad faith.

Written by:

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DOF (2011)

Hi everyone, my name is David and I’ve been a drug addict since I was 15 and I’m 34 tomorrow (12^th January). Through my drug past I robbed people, and I took cars that I didn’t own, and it’s nothing to be proud of but I’ve spent 19 years in and out of the prison system and to be honest it made me worse. I ended up robbing banks and I received 8 years for that and that was my wake up call. I’ve two lovely kids and a girlfriend that I love dearly and I couldn’t stop myself from taking drugs so I lost them, and it hurt me so bad that I wouldn’t stop till we were one again. Tasha is my rock and she stood by me. Now I’m on phy my life has been normal. I haven’t taken smack in about 3 years and I had a slip on 1^st February 09 when I injected coke into my hand and it was bad coke, it was a bad slip as within 3 days I was in hospital and in intensive care for 6 weeks and I got 7 operations in 3 days and my dad wouldn’t let them cut it off.

I came through on the end of March and to be honest, I was in a bad way, but I had my arm. The MRSA ate a lot of my flesh but I’m a lucky one, I nearly died twice.

My brother Mark got on a course and told me about it and I saw so interested as the name is Sankalpa so I looked it up on the web site and had a talk with Tasha. I asked my brother to get an application form which he did and I filled it in. 3 weeks later I received a call from Sankalpa and got an interview which I went to and got a chance to change my life.

I’m in Sankalpa about 2 months now and I’ve started to drop on my phy which I will reduce 5ml each month. This place has opened my eyes to a different way of life. I really enjoy my days here as it’s well run and my goal is to leave here clean and have a better life as 2010 is going to be my year. I’m doing computers that I really like and I’ve made a lamp that I was so proud of.

I’ve to travel a good bit each day to get here and it’s worth it. The staff are very helpful and if you’re having a bad day and need to talk they will listen.

Well at the moment I’m doing very well and most of that is down to Sankalpa. I still attend hospital appointments but one thing to say is I had a slip and nearly died and it will never happen again.

I’m not in Sankalpa that long but I hope to complete the course and be free of phy and live my life as a normal person.

I was knocking around doing nothing in September 08 and had an apartment in town for four years prior to this story. It was in that apartment I slipped into a very bad habit of doing nothing and taking drugs. It was drink and cocaine that I was taking but then when the parties were all over I was left with a filthy flat smelling of drink and smoke. I then got offered to smoke gear, which I tried but really did not like. I already had a problem with tablets to relax me. It was when I was told about being able to buy molly (that’s the street name for it, methadone is the pharmacists name) so I didn’t think much of it but bought some and drank it. It was all grand until I realised I had gotten meself a problem with it. I started needing it. So I signed up for to get on a program to get something I had at one stage despised. 

I then just gave up my apartment and came back to my mother’s where I would not have been able to do half the things I done in my flat. At the same time I tried to stop taking the methadone and could not sleep for three days in my mother’s, and then with a lot of shame went and told my mother I had this problem. So she agreed to help me. I went up to the clinic and they took me on cause I had been on the clinic in town for four months and had a plan to get stable and start coming down off it. So as well as that I had to do something to keep my mind busy and to try to get a bit of structure in my life. I only palled with one mate and it himself that told me about this course that was called millennium but is now called Sankalpa.

It was there for the first time in 5 years I had a little structure in my life. I was getting up and going in and they were quite helpful, they made a plan with me to gradually get meself back to the way I was and off this methadone. Since I’ve been here I’ve come down 15ml – 5ml a month for the last 3 months, and they make out a plan to get your life outside Sankalpa back in order. So at present I am on the housing list, seeing my kid twice a week and feel great with the bit of structure back in my life. Cause I had been a worker before I fell into this rut. And getting up and out in the morning has been great and when I’m at my mother’s she loves it knowing I’m doing something and it’s helping me. My mother came down to the church to watch us play the drums, which is something I never would have done if I wasn’t in Sankalpa. I get to learn about computers and I’ve a lot of interest in the ceramics. I’m actually doing a portfolio so as that I can hopefully be ready by September this year to go to a college and learn what I don’t already know. I’m quite good with my hands and the ceramics is my favourite.

The money is good and helps a lot but it’s the structure and the getting clean that motivates me. I’ve signed up for the course in September so hopefully I’ll be ready and each different class is enjoyable. We get to try new things every day. Me myself I think it has given me a lot and I’m making progress. It’s quite good, the staff are quite good and the other clients are alright. Getting the structure back in my life was a really good thing for me. That is really important to me, not to stay in bed and miss half a day. When I get up and get into work it’s great. You get to socialize and they try to help you in every aspect of your life and I have a lot going since I joined and I never know what we’ll be doing tomorrow. Hopefully I’ll get off my methadone but slowly does it.

My name is David and I have been addicted to drugs for 15 to 20 years.  I started off smoking hash, drinking and for a long time didn’t use hard drugs.  I left school when I was 13.  I never did any exams but got a job as a Comis Chef and worked for a long time and never got into trouble or anything. 

When I was about 18 I was introduced to heroin and started smoking it not knowing what I was getting involved in.  I did not know what chasing the dragon was.  Around the same time my girlfriend got pregnant and I first tried to give up heroin.  I managed to stay off it until about 6 weeks before my daughter was born.  I tried again and again after a while me and my girlfriend moved into her parent’s home with the baby.  We had our own place but had to leave it because of my drug use. 

I managed to bluff my way through the next 6 to 12 months before my girlfriends folks got fed up watching me get their daughter strung out.  They eventually threw me out and I started to sleep rough.  I lost my job and couldn’t get the dole because I had no address.  Eventually me and my girlfriend drifted apart and she got worse and worse and so did I and we left each other for our drugs.  My child was 18 months old and I found myself robbing, selling, scamming and anything to get my next fix. 

After living in hell for nearly 3 years without seeing my child, I tried to kill myself.  Thankfully it did not work.  A friend brought me out to this Christian place in town and I went into the program and went through cold turkey.  They sent me to England as they had a Church in Manchester and I ended up staying there for a few months.  I became very homesick and I wanted to see my child.  So I left the program early and returned home to Dublin and for a while I still did the Christian thing, no drink, no smokes, no bad language, but eventually lost heart in God after I found out that my girlfriend of 8 years was getting married and she would not let me see my kid.  So I managed to stay clean and got a job and moved on with my life without drugs but still never addressed the issues that made me start using. 

Eventually I ended up meeting a new girlfriend and she became pregnant and we got our won place.  Things went well for about 18 months.  But things didn’t last cause I think that I didn’t know how to deal with life’s problems.  So when I found out my new girlfriend and my brother were having an affair, I snapped and had a sort of break down and tried to kill myself again.  I tried to overdose but it didn’t work thank God.  So was back using and I was in a worse state than I have ever been in.  But was working at the time and tried to keep my job going but started to rob the place and missed days when I was sick and that led me to being sacked. 

So I was back on the gear, no job, no home, no girlfriend, no friends and really felt like there was no hope.  So for the next couple of years I went from hostel to hostel.  I got barred from using in the hostel.  So I ended up sleeping rough and doing whatever it took to get my fix.  I didn’t care about anything.  I got that bad that I had no veins to inject into.  So I started to use my groin.  Eventually I went into a treatment centre and this time I stuck it out for the 6 weeks and when I got out I went back home to live with my parents.  I still couldn’t handle life without drugs.  I started to use again and I hid it from my parents for a while. 

Eventually I got on the Clinic and on the phy but was still using but this time was injecting tablets with my heroin.  This went well for a while but had a accident and done real damage to my groin and was taken to hospital, where they thought I was going to lose leg, but I had a lucky escape and was let home after a month in hospital.  So when I got home was told in no uncertain terms this was going to be my last chance.  So I knew I had to do something different this time.  I had heard of this place called Millennium (Sankalpa) from the Clinic.  So I had a chat with someone in the clinic about how I could try things differently when I moved back home after the hospital.  I had started to isolate myself from everyone and got really really depressed and had to seek help from a psychologist and counsellor.  I needed someone to talk to and a structure in myself.  When I started on the clinic, I was stable and on 90mls. 

Now my life has improved so much.  I’m happy in myself for the first time that I can remember and now I have a real goal of going to D.I.T.  I am now down to 30 mls and hope to be totally drug free in the next couple of months. 

 It all began for me when I first started in Millennium Carving, now called Sankalpa, I was on 80mls of methadone and off all other drugs for almost 2 years.  Then after 4 months I started my detox, which went very well as I got down to 20mls.  I kept detoxing slowly until I got off all my methadone.  I found Sankalpa a big help in getting me to where I am today.  It was also a great help in getting me to play for the Ireland Homeless World Cup team that went to play in the European championships in Poland and later the World Cup in Australia. 

It’s started by Sankalpa letting me go over to the street leagues in Catherine’s every Friday morning to take part in a football 5 a side tournament.  That’s where I first got spotted by Ken who asked me to enter my Millennium football team into the all Ireland street leagues.  There were teams from all over the country taking part consisting of about 200 players out of which they would pick 50 players for the Homeless World Cup team and the European championships in Poland.  They would narrow the team down to 10 for Poland, then down to eight for the world cup in Australia.  I was picked to represent my country over in Poland and also in the World Cup in Australia, which were two of the best footballing experiences in my life.  We finished 5^th in Poland and 9^th in the World Cup out of 48 countries, which was a fantastic achievement for the lads and me. 

On the two trips abroad I had an unbelievable time and I was well looked after by the managers and facilitators, which I thank very much for all they done for the lads and me.  When I got back from Australia I was put forward for football for all international Street league player of the year, which was being held in the City West Hotel.  I was gob smacked to find out I was put forward for the award but when I actually won it, it was the highlight of my football career without question.  We were also brought out at half time of the Georgia and Ireland game at Croke Park to be announced in front of all the crowd for what we had achieved, which was spectacular to be standing there while the whole crowd capped and cheered us on.  I was also awarded with my cap for representing my country, which was very special because there’s not many people that can say they got capped for playing for their country. 

Well since coming back from the homeless World Cup in Australia and winning street league player of the year everything has went really well for me with my football, coaching housing but mainly with my detox.  When I went to Australia I was on 20mls of methadone and I have progressed really well since then I got myself down to 2mls of methadone a few weeks before Christmas with the help from Sankalpa and others.  So over the Christmas break I decided to come off my last 2 mls of methadone which I did not find too bad, just a few aches and pains, nothing major and I think that was down to the help from Sankalpa, hard work and also how slow I have done it and how much I wanted to do it.  Now that I’m off my methadone I feel good in myself and feel positive for the future of staying clean off drugs. 

I have worked hard to get to where I am today and I know I will not let anything spoil that for me now.  Sankalpa had a big help in that as it gave me structure, stability and kept me focused on what I wanted to achieve.  I am now really looking forward to the future being drug free.  Also I got word on my housing.  I am moving into a new apartment on the 21^st of January, which I am really excited about and looking forward to having somewhere I can call home at last after spending over a year in Contrath House (transitional housing).  My football and coaching has went well recently.  I went to the city hall and received my Ireland cap from Ray Houghton, for representing my country in Australia, which I was really pleased to get, it has probably being the highlight of my football career to date, just ahead of playing for my country and winning street league player of the year for 2009.  I am now really looking forward to the New Year drug free and in my own place, where I can call home.  Hopefully I can get a job in the FAI coaching football to kids, which is my main aim in life.  I feel as if I can after making big steps towards that as well as I have my two coaching badges and I will be doing the next one as soon as I can.

Heya my name’s Lynne, here’s a bit on my journey to Sankalpa.  I’ve been dabbling since I was 13, smoking every day since I was 15 and started on a clinic at 17.  I’ve been to Cuan Dara twice, done day programmes, done Millennium Carving and always stayed on gear, failed them all.  Gear was always my drug of choice until I moved into a homeless unit and got strung out on crack.  Like everyone I’d a lot to deal with.  When I was 7 months pregnant my fella of 7 years, crashed his bike and died, my nanny and uncle died as well and I’d personal stuff to deal with.  4 years ago I had Abbie.  She gives me the strength to go on. 

After 8 years off dirty urines and no one saying anything, a new doctor started questioning my urines.  So I knew before social work got involved I’d get clean.  I couldn’t have lost Abbie as well.  So for the first time in years I started to give cleans, but not consistently. Eventually I got 3 months cleans and applied for Sankalpa. 

I started in September 2009.  I haven’t looked back since.  I get a lot of support from my keyworker, counsellor and the clients.  For the first time in years I’ve a structure and routine in my life.  I’ve to give 3 urines and the one in my clinic.  That’s what I needed and from the age of 13 I’ve benefited most from Sankalpa and feel good about myself.  So if you’re thinking of starting, make the move!  It will be worth it, if you put the effort in.  Good luck!

My name is Michael and I am a drug addict.  I started in Sankalpa in November 2008.  The name of the place was called Millennium Carving at that time.  Before I started here, a day for me would be getting up and getting dressed, quick wash and I was out the door looking to get a bag of coke and some heroin for coming down off the coke which was an everyday thing before I started here in Millennium.

A woman called Marie Kearns who used to live across the road from me introduced me to Millennium.  We sent in two application forms and I never heard anything back.  So I met Marie up in Wellmount Clinic and I tell her I heard nothing back from the course so she tells me to meet her at FAST the next morning and she would go over with me, so with the help of Marie I managed to get a start the following week.

They told me to come back the following week because there were still drugs in my urine.  So I stayed in for the week and got clean and since I started I have had 2 or 3 slips but I am glad to say that I never used a needle since I started and I never used heroin again for some reason, although it’s always on offer when walking around Finglas but it just doesn’t seem to interest me anymore.   The Millennium-carving course that I started has since changed its name to Sankalpa, which means positive thinking for 2010.

I really think this course has kept me off cocaine and heroin and I think the money doesn’t mean a great lot.   Either I give most of my money to my mother anyway (Community Employment Allowance) and I’ll help my brother’s son with money for horse feed for his horses and money if he wants to go anywhere like the pictures or aqua centre with his mates.   I’ll throw him the money because he’s just like a little brother to me.

So yes I can actually stand up and say I Michael Scally haven’t went near a needle or any hard drugs since I started this course so yes I am proud to be here and proud to use my name for anything related to the Sankalpa course which I enjoy getting up for and enjoy coming to.

My name is Damien Naughton.  I started taken soft drugs when I was 19.  I started smoking hash with some friends.  We did drink as well.  I happened to get a claim and started to get tablets call G.G’s and DF118’s.  I started taking them all the time then I heard of ‘’E’’.  At the time I thought they were the best thing since I was born and they made me feel like I was getting the love I never got at home, then I started taken NAPP’s.  I got addicted to them for 2 years and ended up in Peamount Hospital.  I was there for up to 3 months because they thought I had TB.  What happened was the tablets where getting caught in my lungs and so I was let out and had to go to Pearse St.  And within 6 months I was off everything.

Ten months later I was after moving to Drumcondra and there was a lot of temptation in my way, but I stayed drug-free for at least 9 years.  Then I caught my partner messing with gear and her sister lived in the flat under us.  I fell back into it again and ended up banging it out and got caught three times and got a 3 year bender.  After that I got on the Wellmount Clinic and after 3 years got a job as a security officer and after 3 years lost it.

I heard about Sankalpa.  I thought about it and I knew I had to be drug free, like no gear is to be in my urine so I started to get clean, then found out my girlfriend was taking crack behind my back, so it made me stronger, because the kids were taken off her, but I was not living there.  I joined Sankalpa because my doctor said it would be good for me.  It was hard at the start but meeting new people that had the same problems as I had.  I used to just stay in all the time and I was getting out, learning more, I was in much better form and it’s helping keeping me clean and my kids are proud of me. I know Sankalpa will support me in reducing my methadone.