Sankalpa

My name is David and I have been addicted to drugs for 15 to 20 years.  I started off smoking hash, drinking and for a long time didn’t use hard drugs.  I left school when I was 13.  I never did any exams but got a job as a Comis Chef and worked for a long time and never got into trouble or anything. 

When I was about 18 I was introduced to heroin and started smoking it not knowing what I was getting involved in.  I did not know what chasing the dragon was.  Around the same time my girlfriend got pregnant and I first tried to give up heroin.  I managed to stay off it until about 6 weeks before my daughter was born.  I tried again and again after a while me and my girlfriend moved into her parent’s home with the baby.  We had our own place but had to leave it because of my drug use. 

I managed to bluff my way through the next 6 to 12 months before my girlfriends folks got fed up watching me get their daughter strung out.  They eventually threw me out and I started to sleep rough.  I lost my job and couldn’t get the dole because I had no address.  Eventually me and my girlfriend drifted apart and she got worse and worse and so did I and we left each other for our drugs.  My child was 18 months old and I found myself robbing, selling, scamming and anything to get my next fix. 

After living in hell for nearly 3 years without seeing my child, I tried to kill myself.  Thankfully it did not work.  A friend brought me out to this Christian place in town and I went into the program and went through cold turkey.  They sent me to England as they had a Church in Manchester and I ended up staying there for a few months.  I became very homesick and I wanted to see my child.  So I left the program early and returned home to Dublin and for a while I still did the Christian thing, no drink, no smokes, no bad language, but eventually lost heart in God after I found out that my girlfriend of 8 years was getting married and she would not let me see my kid.  So I managed to stay clean and got a job and moved on with my life without drugs but still never addressed the issues that made me start using. 

Eventually I ended up meeting a new girlfriend and she became pregnant and we got our won place.  Things went well for about 18 months.  But things didn’t last cause I think that I didn’t know how to deal with life’s problems.  So when I found out my new girlfriend and my brother were having an affair, I snapped and had a sort of break down and tried to kill myself again.  I tried to overdose but it didn’t work thank God.  So was back using and I was in a worse state than I have ever been in.  But was working at the time and tried to keep my job going but started to rob the place and missed days when I was sick and that led me to being sacked. 

So I was back on the gear, no job, no home, no girlfriend, no friends and really felt like there was no hope.  So for the next couple of years I went from hostel to hostel.  I got barred from using in the hostel.  So I ended up sleeping rough and doing whatever it took to get my fix.  I didn’t care about anything.  I got that bad that I had no veins to inject into.  So I started to use my groin.  Eventually I went into a treatment centre and this time I stuck it out for the 6 weeks and when I got out I went back home to live with my parents.  I still couldn’t handle life without drugs.  I started to use again and I hid it from my parents for a while. 

Eventually I got on the Clinic and on the phy but was still using but this time was injecting tablets with my heroin.  This went well for a while but had a accident and done real damage to my groin and was taken to hospital, where they thought I was going to lose leg, but I had a lucky escape and was let home after a month in hospital.  So when I got home was told in no uncertain terms this was going to be my last chance.  So I knew I had to do something different this time.  I had heard of this place called Millennium (Sankalpa) from the Clinic.  So I had a chat with someone in the clinic about how I could try things differently when I moved back home after the hospital.  I had started to isolate myself from everyone and got really really depressed and had to seek help from a psychologist and counsellor.  I needed someone to talk to and a structure in myself.  When I started on the clinic, I was stable and on 90mls. 

Now my life has improved so much.  I’m happy in myself for the first time that I can remember and now I have a real goal of going to D.I.T.  I am now down to 30 mls and hope to be totally drug free in the next couple of months. 

Tags: Addiction, detox, Finglas, Methadone, Sankalpa, Stephen, suicide